“I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.” — The Doctor, Season 6 Doctor Who, Episode 6
Always look for the good in the bad…that’s what I always tell my kids. “You may not see it today, but one day you will.” I am practicing what I preach these days. I am amazed at what life has thrown to my family since 2008. It feels like a big black cloud that does not go away. I know we are not alone. But it hurts…at many different levels. Everyone feels some level of bad which leads to sacrifice. All this is good at some level. My hope is that my kids learn a lesson that will provide a positive outlook on life. The news says the economy is better. And I do see it. Homes in my area are selling like hot cakes…some for all cash. Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong in the area that I have been living for the past 15 years. Other people, friends and acquaintances, move on with their life and operate seemingly as normal. I know the friends that know our situation don’t invite us out anymore as we always say no. Thankfully we have friends that opt to free things like hikes and dinners. But not so often. The pressure of no money challenges the mind and I am always double thinking decisions. If I had money…would I make this same decision or is the money making the decision? I wonder. If people suddenly have money do the same thing crazy thinking. If I didn’t have money would I make the same decision? Enough about money. I do have a lot. Not on the street. Making ends meet. Occasionally having Chinese take out. What more could I ask for? There is a lot of good.
I don’t know about you, but I am always thinking. No, this isn’t not a ha ha joke, but really…my mind is spinning thinking about all the things life has to offer. What’s is for dinner? I need to send that file. What was that last item on my grocery list. What am I going to wear to work? You know. Everything. But then, I have those moments of brilliance or so I am convinced. That brings me to this post. The last six years have been…(I want to use the right word)…sucky. Don’t get me wrong. I am truly blessed by my wonderful kids and a helpful and supportive husband. And my health is a 10. But all the grey from the economic depression…and it was literally that for us in mind, spirit and bank account..has taken its toll. I am positive. Leslie Knope positive. (If you don’t know who Leslie is..you really should). I will not give up. But sometimes…I just want to…go to Disneyland. Or shop without having to look at the price tag and doing the math. I know what you are thinking…you are doing well child. Why are you complaining. Well I am not complaining. I am venting. Venting is good. It cleanses the soul. And in this forum…I get to share it with the world. I thank you. What I want most…is a small vacation. To laugh, not cook or clean, and enjoy my family. All the other “stuff” will take its course. But a nice time with my kids and husband would be nice. My fantasy of this outing is a fantasy. Even if Oprah or Ellen swooped in and granted my wish…my teenagers would ruin it with the constant “no”, “I don’t wanna” and “why”. But I would take it any way.
Next up…how teenagers are like toddlers, only bigger and not as cute.