Life piles it on while we hold tight onto the dream

“I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.”   — The Doctor, Season 6 Doctor Who, Episode 6

I absolutely adore that quote and I try to keep in in absolute center of what I do.  However.  Yes, I said however, life gets in the way.  Here are a list of my most recent challenges.  (I know everyone has a list like this…but it feels so good to share):
– Our van (2004) needs a new transmission at $5K.  We will probably sell the van for parts and then save to buy something used that fits at least 5 adults plus luggage.  Kinda of dumb to put $5K into a van that is worth maybe $3800.  I am not ready to lose that van.  It is our saving grace. I am really bummed about this.
– I tried to fix the dryer.  Bruised my arm up really bad.  The service guy is coming tomorrow and hopefully he will use the part I already purchased.  We are swimming in non essential laundry piles of clothes that look like mountains.  We are a crazy society to have so much “stuff” that needs to be cleaned (or so we think) so much.  Granted, in the Elizabethan era, they stunk.  We need to get somewhere in between.  

-Hot water heater is finally dead. Gotta get a new one.  The boys are especially bummed.  They love hot showers.
-We have been using my mom’s car, clothes dryer, and maybe real soon, her shower.  She is our blessing.
-Our dog, the great pyrenees.  I feel for him.  He is 12 years now and his world continues to get smaller and smaller.  I can tell by where his droppings are.  People still shout out to him while he sits on his throne…the porch.  When he comes in the house he pees.  This rug was already stained bad by us, but we will need haz-mad gear to remove the rug. There are doggie pee diapers I found online. But the xtra large might not be big enough.  He seems well and demeanor is still sweet, but having control issues. Pretty good appetite too.  Just hard to walk aka patrol the property.  He stay near the house.  Once an a while I will find him on the grass.
-My son has 7 cavities.  I have a broken tooth and four cavities. My life was mostly without cavities but ever since I’ve been on my thyroid meds, I have been getting cavities.  Then there is braces for three kids. No dental is inconvenient and does not make sense to have medical without dental.  The mouth lives in the body.  So backwards.
-Then, of course ,is our roof…needs replacing and my daughter’s ceiling repaired.  And lest not forget the stove and oven that are not working either.
Son number 1.   He is such a teenager!  OMG.  The world circles around his head or so he thinks.  -He is still nice but very selfish these days.  I need take him to do community work so he remembers.  He was so funny…things just pop out of his mouth.  He said…our town is filled with people who have money and people who pretend to have money.  An interesting observation.  We don’t fit in either category.
Everything in our home and in our livelihood needs to be fixed, repaired or replaced.  For today, the only thing not broke is my spirit, but that is being challenged.  So I remember the Doctor.  And I pray. Understanding…take one day at a time.

Looking for the good in the bad

Always look for the good in the bad…that’s what I always tell my kids. “You may not see it today, but one day you will.” I am practicing what I preach these days. I am amazed at what life has thrown to my family since 2008. It feels like a big black cloud that does not go away. I know we are not alone. But it hurts…at many different levels. Everyone feels some level of bad which leads to sacrifice.  All this is good at some level.  My hope is that my kids learn a lesson that will provide a positive outlook on life. The news says the economy is better.  And I do see it.  Homes in my area are selling like hot cakes…some for all cash.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong in the area that I have been living for the past 15 years.  Other people, friends and acquaintances, move on with their life and operate seemingly as normal.  I know the friends that know our situation don’t invite us out anymore as we always say no.  Thankfully we have friends that opt to free things like hikes and dinners.  But not so often.  The pressure of no money challenges the mind and I am always double thinking decisions.  If I had money…would I make this same decision or is the money making the decision?  I wonder.  If people suddenly have money do the same thing crazy thinking.  If I didn’t have money would I make the same decision?  Enough about money.  I do have a lot.  Not on the street.  Making ends meet.  Occasionally having Chinese take out.  What more could I ask for?  There is a lot of good.


Life is crazy…duh

I don’t know about you, but I am always thinking.  No, this isn’t not a ha ha joke, but really…my mind is spinning thinking about all the things life has to offer.  What’s is for dinner?  I need to send that file.  What was that last item on my grocery list.  What am I going to wear to work?  You know.  Everything.  But then, I have those moments of brilliance or so I am convinced.  That brings me to this post.  The last six years have been…(I want to use the right word)…sucky.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am truly blessed by my wonderful kids and a helpful and supportive husband.  And my health is a 10.  But all the grey from the economic depression…and it was literally that for us in mind, spirit and bank account..has taken its toll.  I am positive.  Leslie Knope positive.  (If you don’t know who Leslie really should).  I will not give up.  But sometimes…I just want to…go to Disneyland.  Or shop without having to look at the price tag and doing the math.  I know what you are thinking…you are doing well child.  Why are you complaining.  Well I am not complaining.  I am venting.  Venting is good.  It cleanses the soul.  And in this forum…I get to share it with the world.  I thank you.  What I want most…is a small vacation.  To laugh, not cook or clean, and enjoy my family.  All the other “stuff” will take its course.  But a nice time with my kids and husband would be nice.  My fantasy of this outing is a fantasy.  Even if Oprah or Ellen swooped in and granted my wish…my teenagers would ruin it with the constant “no”, “I don’t wanna” and  “why”.  But I would take it any way.

Next up…how teenagers are like toddlers, only bigger and not as cute.